My motto: “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff.”
You’ve heard that phrase before. It’s that book from the late nineties.
I’ve never read Dr. Richard Carlson’s book, but since I was a little girl, the title stuck with me.
I saw the book on my mother’s nightstand. I was age eight or nine.
Flashback: Antique-looking, dark wood, small, round nightstand. Small book. “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff – and it’s all small stuff.” Moss green (or maybe teal) and beige cover. “Self-help” looking.
My mother read it before bed and sometimes in the morning when she woke. I don’t remember any details from many family vacations. This, I remember so vividly. I sat at the edge of her bed, on the side she slept on. This is wear I often sat. She held the small book in her small hands in front of her freshly-washed face. Reading glasses on. Navy blue eyes. Highlighted blonde hair in a scrunchie. She usually continued reading, as I sat, looking at her, and after she finished her page or her chapter she put down the book. Then we would talk.
We did this most nights.
I asked what she was reading, even though I already knew it’s name. She said her friend recommended she read it – so she was. It was about letting things go. Realizing that most things that upset or frustrate us don’t matter in the big scheme of things.
The man who cut in front of you in line at the grocery store was rude – so what!
The women who cut you off in her car this morning – who cares!
Your husband did not put down the toilet seat, again – doesn’t matter!
Your wife forgot your favorite sports team was playing on TV and recorded her show instead – forget about it!
I think I know the real reason why my mom was reading the book over a decade ago.
That’s for another time and another place. Unless, I grow big enough bal…ovaries to write about it here.
When D and I began to plan our wedding, the phrase that I remembered from so long ago resonated.
“Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
As popular as it may be, it still rings well, for me.
So, with 72 hours and counting, we started planning.
We don’t care about the silverware and the this and the that.
What matters to us?
What is the perfect wedding anyways? Is your perfect wedding the kind defined by the wedding industry. If so, that’s fine, because it’s your choice. But if your wedding doesn’t conform – don’t sweat it. Your perfect wedding should be perfect for you.
Weddings are a commodity. From fine china, to orchids, to macaroon decorated cakes, to the personalized clothes hanger a Bride hangs her dress on. Women are told from a very young age how their wedding should look. How their prince should look. How their bodies should look.
I think, if you want to get married, your wedding should be all yours. And if that means getting married in your back yard, with paper plates and a BBQ – do it and do it proud.
Oh, and Thank you, mom, for being a mom, mentor and friend. Always.
On this-ish subject and on my to-read list: White Weddings: Romancing Heterosexuality in Popular Culture.
Next post: Where To Start?…get your act together…make lists.